


Voices in My Head

by LizzyMidford



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Anorexia Nervosa, Atypical Anorexia, Concerned Jeremy, Eating Disorders, Hurt Michael, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jeremy is a good boyf, M/M, Mentions of the Squip, Michael has gay moms, Sad Michael, Self-Hatred, Trans Michael, save my son
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-26 17:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12562708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzyMidford/pseuds/LizzyMidford
Summary: Michael laughed, his steps swerving. Jeremy reached out, catching him before he could fall face first into the pavement."You okay Man?" Jeremy's voice was laced with concern."Yeah, Jere, I'm good, just a little dizzy, is all..."Michael was dizzy a lot lately...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I'm garbage and got this idea when comparing my own eating disorder to a SQUIP! Warnings are obviously for anorexia and I'm so sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Atypical Anorexia is when a patient doesn't meet the weight requirement for Anorexia, but meets every other requirement.

It started without a hitch, and Jeremy would probably never stop hating himself for not noticing. 

He thought it was no big deal, Michael was acting a little odd, but he just wanted to give Jeremy space, time to recover from the SQUIP. No big deal. 

But then he started to notice. 

"What're you doing after school today, Jer?" Michael asked, smiling. 

"I don't know about you, Michael, but I've got a date with a pizza and the Apocalypse of the Damned. Maybe you'd like to be a third wheel?"

"I can't believe you're cheating on me with carbs and pixels," Michael feigned hurt, dramatically turning, his hand on his forehead. 

"Can't help it, babe. She's a siren, and she calls me."

Michael laughed, his steps swerving. Jeremy reached out, catching him before he could fall face first into the pavement.

"You okay Man?" Jeremy's voice was laced with concern.

"Yeah, Jer, I'm good, just a little dizzy, is all..."

Michael was dizzy a lot lately...

This made Jeremy pay attention. When he started paying attention, he began to notice. 

 

Notice the number of days Michael would forget his lunch money.

Notice the panic in his boyfriend's eyes when he suggested a lunch date.

Notice the way Michael would fidget, constantly trying to stay away from the others when they'd go out to eat. 

Notice that any time meeting up at a restaurant happened, Michael couldn't make it. 

 

With notice came concern. 

Why was Michael avoiding these situations? He loved going out to eat with his friends, or with his boyfriend. 

Was he sick?

Did he relapse in self harm and not want everyone to notice?

Did he just not want to talk to anyone? 

.

.

Did he get a SQUIP? 

Maybe it was telling him to isolate himself, cut him off from his support system, like Jeremy's had done to him. 

Maybe it was telling him that he wasn't worth hanging out yet, because he wasn't 'chill'. 

Jeremy wanted to punch the tic tac before the thought was even fully developed, the idea of Michael going through the same abuse he had during first semester stung. 

Whenever Jeremy saw Michael flinch, he imagined the zaps he had received. Whenever he saw Michael hold his head, he imagined the Squip's voice, wondered what Michael's would sound like. Maybe Bob Marley? God, just the thought of Michael's idol telling him that he wasn't enough had Jeremy's blood boiling.

 

Jeremy noticed, and he was going to get to the bottom of it. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This stuff is mostly based on my own eating disorder. I DO NOT SUPPORT OTHER PEOPLE ENGAGING IN ED BEHAVIOR! IT IS A DANGEROUS CYCLE OF SELF HATRED AND MISERY AND HONESTLY PLEASE DON'T TRY ANYTHING MY SON DOES AT HOME!!

Michael woke up cold. He typically did, since he kept his room a nice 37 degrees Fahrenheit, but that didn't mean he had to enjoy throwing himself out of bed and into the open air every time he woke up in the morning.

Yet, somehow, every morning he finds the willpower to start his routine:

Michael's mother comes in to wake him up at 5:30 in the morning, on her way out the door as she heads to work. Michael officially wakes up at 6. After waking up, Michael drags himself over to his scale, stripping and weighing himself before anything could possibly effect his weight. Typically disappointed with his scale's results, he then pulls on his binder, sliding on whatever outfit he had that day and finishing it off with a hoodie.

He runs to the kitchen, where he grabs a cereal bar and gives his other mom half, he quickly kisses her cheek and shoves his half in his mouth, ensuring she sees it. After leaving, he chews the bar until he gets the urge to swallow, and proceeds to spit it out into the nearest garbage bin, continuing his walk to school.

The walk wasn't any less of a struggle in this cold than waking up, but he did it. Cold burned calories, walking burned calories, walking in the cold was the best thing he could do.

After arriving at school, Michael would talk to his friends. None of them really ate at school, school breakfast being a little more than a step down from what prisoners ate, and would usually find Jeremy about three seconds before the bell for first period rang. Typically, Jeremy would give him a quick kiss before they went to their first hours, and Michael would try to focus as best as he could on his math teacher. Not doing a good job and often borrowing notes from Christine, the saint.

In second period, he'd talk to Jeremy most of the time. Today, while holding his hand under the desk, Jeremy got really serious.

"Hey, Michael, how are you today?"

"I'm doing good. What about you? You sound like I'm about to tell you my Nintendo broke!" Michael whispered back. "Seriously, Jer, what's wrong? You got all dark and broody".

"It's just, you've been acting off lately," Jeremy sighed, and Michael's heart began to pound. How would Jeremy even know? He wasn't losing very obviously, obvious enough anyways, but Jeremy had always seemed to be able to read his mind. God, this is so awkward. "I've just been concerned, you know, make sure you aren't sick or anything.."

"It's nothing, really!" Michael assured through the knot in the bottom of his stomach. "It's just that time of the month. You know, cramps and dysphoria. Total load of fun... Not really something you fill your boyfriend in on, Jer. It's no biggie, really!" Michael was only half lying. It was the 'bad time', but it obviously wasn't the only cause for his behavior.

Jeremy's face molded into a wince. Not a 'gross, period' wince, but an empathetic one. As though the other boy had any idea what a menstrual cramp felt like.

"Ah, dude, that's gotta suck. You want me to stop by after school? Chocolate, heated blanket, Apocalypse of the Damned?" Jeremy's proposition was said in a joking voice, but you could tell in his eyes that he was serious and concerned. 

"Gods, how did I get such an amazing boyf?" Michael asked, feigning a swoon. 

"By being the greatest riend any boyf could ask for," both boys fell into a small fit of laughter. 

"I'll keep my basement door unlocked, but no chocolate, it makes my cramps worse," Jeremy gave a shocked expression, and Michael laughed through his next sentence, "I know, why must we find pain in life's beauties?"

They chuckled through the rest of their English class, and Michael had almost forgotten the empty ache in his stomach. 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

 Michael had an apple and a bite of Jeremy's turkey sandwich at lunch, successfully turning away all of Jeremy's concern. 

They played video games after school and got stoned just as they always did. 

Jeremy seemed completely content with the current situation, and Michael was happy to keep him that way. 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

"See you tomorrow, Mikey!" Jeremy smiled, kissing his boyfriend as he left the basement. 

"See you, Jeremy."

"You sure you don't want to drop me off? We can grab something to eat on the way to my house."

"You drive a hard bargain, but my moms are making dinner, they'll hang me if I eat out today!" 

"Good point, good point. Well, see ya!" Jeremy stuttered, and it was Michael's turn to initiate a kiss. 

"See ya, Jer-bear."

Michael smiled as the taller boy walked away, his mind much happier than his body when he remembered that his moms were both working tonight, and he had no intentions of eating dinner. 


End file.
